Firefly: Shanghaied: Full series
by atreides213
Summary: The full compiliation of everything to do with Shanghaied, the Firefly episode that never was. I saw an interview with Nathan Fillion one day, where he mentioned this as an idea for an episode in season 2 of Firefly, and decided to make a story about it. Hope you all like it.
1. Cry me a reaver

Space never ended. It never began. It just was. A huge empty blackness sprinkled with glittering stars. The entire span of human history, all of its accomplishments and atrocities, left barely an impression on the endless nothing of that black canvas. Space wasn't the final frontier. It was the _only _frontier. None of these thoughts, however, were passing through the head of Captain Malcolm Reynolds as he strode down the corridor that connected _Serenity's _cockpit to her cargo bay. The former independent sergeant clambered up a small flight of metal stairs and into the cockpit.

The pilot sat in his usual seat, staring out at the stars while he swiveled the rotating chair back and forth. "How's she flying, Wash?" Reynolds inquired. "Oh, just terribly," Wash replied, turning to face his captain in mock horror. "We're headed straight for a black hole, sir. I don't think any of us will make it out alive." Noticing the look on Mal's face, Wash became serious. "She's flying fine," he said. "We should arrive back at Persephone three hours ahead of schedule." "Perfect," Reynolds said, seeming satisfied. He clapped the pilot on the shoulder. "Good job, Wash." "That's what you pay me for, captain," Wash replied cheerfully. "Um…you _are _going topay me, right?" Reynolds scoffed. "Don't worry. This job'll gain us a pretty penny, and part of that's gonna be yours." Wash seemed satisfied, but couldn't resist one last joke. "I'm pretty sure part of a penny isn't worth much, cap." Mal rolled his eyes upwards and sighed, turning on his heel and walking out of the cockpit. Wash turned back to the console, and noticed a flashing red warning light. He checked the monitors and paled. "Oh, 熊貓尿."

Simon Tam looked into his sister's face, his concern evident. River had been having another one of her episodes. She'd almost gotten completely out of control, and he'd been forced to sedate her. He brushed some strands of hair from her forehead. Even drugged and asleep, River didn't seem peaceful. "It's getting worse," he commented to Shepherd Book, who was standing a few steps behind him. "I thought she would start to get better, but she keeps relapsing." Book replied hesitantly. "Sometimes, healing doesn't come straight away, but with time." "We've _had _time," Simon snapped. "All she does is get worse and worse. She seems lucid one moment, but with every relapse it takes longer to bring her back to some semblance of sanity. If you have a suggestion that doesn't involve doing nothing and waiting for her to magically get better, I'd love to hear it. "

Book was silent, and Simon felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He looked away from the Shepherd. "I'm sorry. It's just…hard." Book approached and put a comforting hand on Simon's shoulder. "It's never easy to see someone you love suffer," the priest replied. "Losing yourself every now and again is...understandable." Simon nodded, looking back at River. Suddenly, Wash's voice came on over the intercom. "Attention everyone," he said breathlessly. "We have a reaver ship closing in on us at six o'clock. I'm going to try to outrun them, but you may want to get ready for a fight." Simon's eyes widened. Book looked past him at River, still sleeping, undisturbed by the grim news.

Mal rushed back to the cockpit, closely followed by Zoe and Jayne. "What the hell are you talking about, Wash?" Jayne demanded, looking nervous. "Ain't no gorram way a reaver ship's out this close to Persephone." "Okay, you look outside and tell me that's not reavers," Wash challenged, indicating one of the monitors with a finger. The vessel following them was torn and mangled, with spikes of rusted metal emerging from the hull at several points. Dozens of bodies, some fresh, some bare skeletons, were lashed to the bulkhead. And it was covered in the distinctive bloody paint of a reaver ship. Jayne's eyes widened. "青蛙操的流氓," he swore in a loud whisper.

Mal retained his composure and calmly began formulating a plan. "Can we burn hard and outrun 'em?" "I don't think so," Wash replied. "Look at that engine. It'll catch up to us easy." "Then we gotta come up with another plan," the captain said. "How long til they reach us at their current speed?" "Looks like…about an hour," Wash declared. "At most." Mal nodded. "That's plenty of time to do what I got in mind." "And what exactly do you have in mind, sir?" asked Zoe. "You'll see," Mal replied, turning and walking swiftly towards the engine room.

Kaylee frowned, furrowing her brow. "I don't know, cap'n. She ain't never done somethin' like this before," the young engineer explained. "It could blow the atmo feed, or fry the reverse power coupler, or…"she trailed off, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation. "Well, we ain't got much choice, now do we?" Mal replied flatly. "Look, odds are they reavers are gonna catch up to us mighty quick. They'll take Serenity. You don't want that, do you?" Kaylee shook her head. "Good. Now get her ready." Kaylee nodded again, and Mal put a hand on her shoulder. "Everything's gonna turn out all right, don't you worry." And with that, he left the engine room. Jayne was leaning against the wall outside. "Jayne," Mal said, beckoning the mercenary over. "Listen," he said, voice low. "You stay with Kaylee. If this idea don't work, the reavers will most likely be boarding us. If that happens, I want you to make sure neither of you suffers at their hands. You understand?" Jayne swallowed, then nodded. "Yeah, I got it." Mal patted him on the back. "Good man. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got something to take care of."

"No, Mal." Inara's voice was steely determined. "I'm not leaving you again." The captain gritted his teeth and pressed his case. "Oh, so you're just gonna stay here and let the gorram reavers have their way with you, huh?" Inara lowered her voice to a whisper. "You know I won't let that happen." Silence filled the small, luxurious shuttle. "Yeah," Reynolds replied eventually. "I know. But you should give yourself a fighting chance." "The reavers could catch us just as easily as Serenity, Mal. Besides, I can't-" began Inara, but the captain interrupted her. "And what about Simon and River? And the Shephard? They deserve a fighting chance, don't you think? I ain't asking you to do this 'cause I think you're soft. You're the only one 'sides Wash can pilot this shuttle. If things get pear shaped, they'll _need _you. And I need to know you'll be there for them." Inara saw the determined light in Mal's eyes and relented. "Alright," she said finally. "If the reavers board us, I'll try to get the others out of here." "Much appreciated," said Mal as he left the shuttle. "I'll send them up." Inara watched his retreating back. _He may be smart, _she thought, _but he still can't tell when I'm lying._


	2. Leaf on the wind

Mal made his way through the ship, heading back to the cockpit as he passed the medical room, Simon poked his head out of the door. "Hey, Doc," the captain said as he passed. "Get the Shaphard and you sister over to Inara's shuttle, alright? If what I'm planning don't work, ya'll can still get out of here." Simon grabbed the captain's arm to stop him. Mal turned to the young doctor. "What aboput you, captain?" Simon asked, brow furrowed in concern. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you're not the type of man to go down in a blaze of glory." Mal rolled his eyes heavenwards as he gathered the words he needed to say. "Listen Doc," he replied eventually. "If those reavers board us, they'll kill us all in some fairly unpleasant ways. I don't mind going down in a blaze of glory if it means I go quick and I'm giving you and yours a chance to get away. Got it?" Simon nodded, and Mal clapped him on the shoulder, assuming a cheerful smile. "Besides, they probably won't even catch up with us. Kaylee and Wash know what they're doing. Take care, doc." He turned and headed up the stairwell leading towards the bridge. As he climbed, his smile vanished.

Wash gripped the manual steering wheel in a viselike grip. No matter what he did, he couldn't seem to relax his hands. He kept up a façade of cheerfulness, making casual jokes to Zoe, who was seated in the copilot's chair, but inside, he was terrified beyond belief. Forcing himself to release one of his hands, he reached over and flicked the intercom on. "You ready for this, Kaylee?" "Ready as I'll ever be," came the crackling reply. Wash nodded, though he knew the engineer couldn't see him, and gripped the wheel again. The reavers were closing in hard from behind. "When they get to three hundred meters, we try to pull it. Okay?" Wash said over the com. Kaylee replied positive. The leaf on the wind bit his lip. After two hundred and fifty meters, the reaver's electronic grappler would be able to reach them. If Mal's plan failed… "They're at five hundred meters," Wash said aloud. "Four fifty. Four." His voice got slightly higher in pitch. "Three fifty. Three twenty five." He gripped the steering column. "Three hundred!" Wash jerked the column towards him while Kaylee brought the engine up to full burn. The Serenity suddenly jerked from it's flight path and soared upwards, then returned to it's previous orientation, except that it was heading in the other direction…and upside down. The reaver piloting the bloody ship apparently had excellent reflexes, because the ship had rotated so that the Firefly class vessel was always in sight of the cockpit. The grapple shot out from it's slapdash holster on the reaver ship. "Hail Mary!" Wash yelled. Kaylee reduced engine power by twenty percent while Wash jammed the steering column to the side. Serenity rolled once, twice, three times, dodging the grapple. "Full burn, Kaylee! Full burn!" As Kaylee brought the engine back to full, Wash steered the serenity past the disoriented reaver ship, which was rapidly trying to retract it's missed grapple. It would take at least two minutes to fully retract, and at full burn, the Serenity would be out of sight and scanner range long before then. Wash breathed a sigh of relief and flicked the transmission so that his voice would be heard throughout the ship. "Attention, everyone. Unfortunately, the reavers couldn't make it, so they'll have to make other dinner plans." Zoe got up from her seat and walked to her husband, embracing him and pressing her lips to his. "That's my boy," she said proudly.

Mal smiled as the passengers disembarked from the shuttle. "You see? There was nothing to worry about," he said to Simon, who smiled nervously back. "Can they catch up to us again?" he asked. "Nope," Mal replied. "Gonna take 'em a few minutes to retract that grapple. By that time, we'll be long gone." The doctor nodded. "Of course, if Wash hadn't dodged that grapple, we'd all be chow for the reavers now," the captain added. Simon paled and hurried along. "That may have been the most ridiculously stupid thing I've ever seen in my life." Mal turned to see Inara standing in the shuttle entryway, arms crossed. "That made the Crazy Ivan you pulled back on Whitefall look sane." Mal smirked. "Well, when you put it that way…" Inara walked up to the captain gracefully, her eyes fixed on his. "Mal, how could you put your life on the line with such an insane idea? If I lost you-" she caught herself. "If the crew lost you, what would they do?" Mal looked down into her eyes, then let his gaze wander to her dark raven hair, her pale lips, the cleavage that all of the companion's dresses showed. "Keep flying," he said softly. The cargo bay was silent. They were all alone. Without relizing it, he lowered his head, his lips inches from hers… "Cap'n!" Mal jerked back, but not before he saw that Inara, too had had her eyes closed and her lips puckered. The captain rubbed the back of his neck and rocked on his heels as Kaylee entered the room. The engineer looked between them. "Is this a bad time?" she asked. "No!" Mal said, a bit too quickly. "No. What is it, Kaylee?" The girl shook her head, disgusted with herself. "Cap'n, we got a problem. The atmo feed blew, just like I said it would." Mal grew still. "So you're saying…" "There ain't no atmo no more, cap'n," Kayle finished for him. "We got enough air for maybe three days, 'less we land on a planet that can sell us a replacement." Mal swallowed. "Alright. Go up to Wash and tell him about our situation. Have him find some planet we can land on within three days of here." Kaylee nodded and ran out. As she left, Inara looked up at Mal. "What if there's no planet within three days of us?" she demanded. Malcolm pushed past her and out of the bay, not answering.


	3. Hold your breath

No one spoke aboard the ship unless they had to Talking wasted valuable air. The silence created a disturbing atmosphere, and many paranoid glances were thrown over the crew members' shoulders. Jayne kept to himself, religiously polishing his guns to a mirror shine. Kaylee remained in the engine room, making sure it kept running and making futile attempts to repair the atmo feed. Simon, Inara and Book took shifts watching over River, who was being kept drugged under Mal's orders. The psychic girl's frantic screams and gibbering would use up air, as well. Zoe and Mal made the rounds between the crew, attempting to keep up their morale. According to Wash, Theseus, a small, nearly uncharted, and recently terraformed moon, was their best option at the moment. Going as fast as the now-frail engine core would allow, Serenity would reach the icy ball of rock in just over two days. There, they could dock at the local colony, make repairs, and buy the parts Kaylee needed to fix the atmosphere.

Malcolm and Zoe passed each other in the hall leading from the cargo bay to the cockpit. The second-in-command grabbed Mal's arm and stopped him for a moment. "Sir," she said softly. "Theseus has only been colonized for a few months, tops. They can't have many supplies to spare. What if they don't have the parts we need?" Mal's reply was nonchalant, his face impassive. "Then I reckon we stay docked there till some other ship comes around. Hopefully a one way colony ship, so we can take the atmo filter with no complaints. It'll be either that, or-" "An Alliance resupply vessel," Zoe concluded. "Sir, if we run into Alliance, with a blown atmo, Badger's stolen goods in out bay, and…" she looked meaningfully in the general direction of the medical bay. Mal followed her gaze and took her meaning. "There's lots of places for them to hide on the ship. And if worst comes to worst..." Zoe raised an eyebrow at her captain. "If worst comes to worst, then what, sir?" Mal shrugged. "Then…we're screwed."

Two days later, Serenity was mere minutes away from entering Theseus' atmosphere. Wash gripped the steering column. "Alright, everyone," he said over the intercom. "We're about to enter the atmosphere. Fasten your seatbelts. Could get a little bumpy." He turned his gaze back to the viewport, but as he did so, his eyes caught a warning light on the console. "Oh, 青蛙操的流氓." He activated the intercom again. "Um, Mal, get up here. And everyone else, you REALLY want to fasten your seatbelts right about now." In seconds, the captain was on the bridge, accompanied by Zoe. "What is it, Wash?" Mal demanded. The pilot kept his eyes on the bluish, cloudy atmosphere of the planet. "Ion storms, sir. Must be a side effect of the terraforming. Going through that will fry any electrical systems we have." Mal's eyebrows rose slightly. "ANY electrical systems?" Wash nodded, not taking his eyes off the planet. "Navigation, autopilot, engines, landing gear, that old toaster. It'll all be gone. I'll have to make a blind crash land." "That's suicide," Zoe said, her voice far too calm. "So's staying up here," Mal countered grimly, looking over Wash's shoulder. They had less than a day of air left. While attempting this landing might result in death, not landing would mean death was certain. "Do it," the captain commanded. Wash gritted his teeth and plunged into the cloud-filled atmosphere.


	4. Landfall

The instant Serenity entered the cloud layer, the lights aboard the ship began to flicker wildly. In the kitchen, all of the cooking appliances spat flaming sparks and died out. In the medical bay, the heart scanner River was hooked up to suddenly blinked off. Jayne dove for cover as several of his weapons, the ones using lasers or microchip-targeting systems, shot off a few rounds and then died. The mercenary peeked out from under his bed, where he had rolled to avoid the flying bullets. Up on the bridge, Wash licked his suddenly very dry lips and glanced at the control systems. Every single one was spasming in rhythm with the lights. With one final electric whine, everything shut down, plunging the crew into darkness.

"Hold on," Wash cried, pulling back on the steering column so that the ship leveled out, becoming parallel with the unseen ground below them…hopefully. The purplish blue ion clouds, flickering with electricity, raced by them at incredible speeds. More than once, lightning burst from the clouds to strike the hull, rocking the ship slightly. Finally, the clouds broke, and the trio in the cockpit found themselves falling thousands of meters towards the moon's surface. "Wash…" Mal said warningly. "I know, I know!" the pilot snapped back. "Just wait for it." Serenity plunged towards the ground at over two hundred miles an hour, with no way to impede their fall. "WASH…." The captain said again, backing away involuntarily, as if that could help somehow. In seconds, they'd all be nothing but pastes on the ground.

Suddenly, however, the ship began to slow, gradually but steadily. Wash had known what he was doing when he forced Serenity parallel with the ground. With more hull space fighting against the strong winds from below, the ship was falling much slower than if they had entered the atmosphere in anose dive. Now, as the atmosphere got thicker closer to the ground, the ship's speed was checked by the sheer force of the wind and air. "Buckle up." Wash said calmly. Mal and Zoe both glanced at the copilot's seat, then at each other. "Ladies first," Zoe said, quickly climbing into the seat. Mal swore under his breath and gripped the back of Wash's chair.

The final moments before Serenity landed seemed to last an eternity. Simon sat in the medbay, lashed tightly to the cot, holding River in his lap. Book gripped a handhold in the floor of the room outside, head bowed in fervent prayer. Jayne remained under his bed, waiting for the end of either the landing, or the ship and everyone aboard. Kaylee remained at the engine, though it had long since stopped moving, desperately trying to somehow restart it. And Inara sat calmly in her shuttle, having already accepted that whatever happened, would happen. When the ship finally landed, it was falling at a speed of nearly seventy five miles an hour. Its heated hull sliced through the snow like it was nothing, crashing and sliding along the moon below for a good five hundred feet before coming to a halt.

In the cockpit, Mal sat up from where he was thrown sprawling on the floor, rubbing the back of his head where it had hit the metal below. "Everyone alright?" he said in the total darkness of the ship, it's front end now buried in snow. After hearing an affirmative from both of his crew members, Mal stumbled to the door and reached for the flashlight he knew was there. Finding it, he flicked it on…only to find it wasn't working. "Gorram it," he muttered. In a few minutes, the dining area was filled with candles, providing a meager light to the place. All the crew was accounted for, with only a few cuts and bruises to show for the spectacular landing. "Alright," Mal said evenly from where he sat at the head of the table. "We should be close to the settlement here, so Jayne, Zoe, and myself will head out to find them before we all freeze to death. You all sit tight here till help arrives, understand?" Nods all around. Mal smiled. "Don't worry. We'll get you all out of here and into a nice warm bed in no time."

"Well," Mal said, backing away from the savage-looking settler wielding a rifle at him. "This isn't what I expected." He, Zoe, and Jayne were completely surrounded on all sides in the snowy tundra. The settlers cocked their weapons, fingers on triggers…


	5. Striking a deal

"What're you doing here?" snarled one of the settlers, his teeth yellowed and rotting, his brown hair and beard scraggly and dirty. Mal put on his most charming smile. "We ain't here to cause trouble, friend. Our ship got into a spot of trouble, and we had to land here to make repairs." The settler narrowed his eyes. "Ain't no one come 'round here 'less they got a death wish," he said, gesturing up at the blue-cloud-filled sky. "Bermuda Ring kills any ship what comes through." "It did ours, too," Mal replied evenly. "We didn't so much land as…crash land." He took a step forward, and the settler shoved the gun at his chest. "You stay there," the scraggly man demanded, eyes shifting nervously. Mal stopped where he was. "We don't want no trouble. Just want to trade for parts, is all." "You ain't got nothing we want!" the scraggly man snarled. A younger man stepped from the crowd. "You got food?" he asked eagerly, with a hint of desperation in his voice. The scraggly man turned his head to berate the boy. Mal made his move, grabbing the gun by the barrel and jerking it from the man's grasp. The man cried out, and the other armed settlers aimed at him. Zoe and Jayne raised their weapons as well. One wrong move, and they would start shooting.

The scraggly man glared as Mal opened the chamber of the old rifle to check how much ammo it had. The ship captain raised his eyebrows and gave off a short laugh of disbelief. "You're a mighty good bluffer, my friend," he said to the scraggly man. Seeing his crewmates looking puzzled, Mall added, "Gun's empty. Willing to bet all of 'em are." The settlers became notably more uneasy, looking from the captives to each other, licking their lips nervously. "Like I said, we just want to trade, is all," Malcolm said, getting back on track now that he had control of the situation. "We got plenty of food, medicine, and the like. We can spare some for you folks here." "It won't matter," came a voice from behind the mob. The settlers parted to allow a short man to walk up to the Serenity crewmembers. The man was almost completely bald, with nothing but a bit of gray hair at his temples and around the back of his neck. He wore the outfit of a priest or shepherd. The man held out his hand. "I'm Father Herb. I suppose you could call me the patriarch of these people." He gestured at the mob around them. Mal kept his silence, and the priest continued. "Even if we give you the parts, you can't leave the planet. The Bermuda Ring destroys all electronics, coming or going. All you can do is wait for it to dissipate. Our terraforming expert, before he froze to death, told us it shouldn't be more than a few days from now." Mal hesitated, then nodded his understanding. The priest smiled. "In the meantime, why don't you and your crew come and stay with us for a while? As you so astutely discovered, we have no ammunition anymore, no means of harming you. And we do need some food, if it can be spared." Mal hesitated again, looking at Jayne and Zoe. "Come on, Mal," Jayne said impatiently. "Serenity's gonna be awful cold out there by now. Least these people might have somewhere warm to sleep." Zoe nodded, and Mal turned back to the priest. "That sounds like an agreeable arrangement to me. Much obliged, priest man. Name's Malcolm Reynolds." He held out his hand, and he and the priest shook.

The settlers began moving food supplies immediately from Serenity. The crew stood by, watching. "They sure is dirty," Kaylee said. "They sure are," Simon said. "How can you get dirty on a planet covered in ice?" Kayle smiled at him. "Well, they had to make themselves a home somewhere, didn't they? Dirt's as good a place as any. Underground, keeps out the cold, hides them from wild animals, if there are any." Simon shrugged. "I suppose." Then a thought occurred to him. "What about the prefabricated homes? The alliance always supplies new settlers with them. They should keep out heat and cold." Kayle tilted her head quizzically. "I ain't never heard of no prefab homes." "Just another bit of Alliance propaganda, I reckon," said Mal, walking past them to grab a crate of dried fruit. "Trying to make it seem like they're doing more for the settlers than they really are." Simon opened his mouth to protest, then shut it again. Even after he had learned about River, he still found it hard to accept that the Alliance wasn't the good, just government that he'd been raised to think it was. "Out here, Doc," Mal continued, walking past them again, "Alliance ain't gonna help you none. You're on your own."


End file.
